The severity of famous people
Famous personalities also competed in wit.
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart vs. Fan of
Fan: Herr Mozart, I'm thinking of start writing symphonies. Could you suggest how do I start?
Mozart: Symphony, is a very complex musical form. Start with what some simple rhymes, and gradually making it more difficult, move to the symphony.
Fan: But Herr Mozart, you started writing symphonies with 8 years.
Mozart: That's right. Because no one ever asked.
Calvin Coolidge vs. Woman at a dinner at the White House
Woman: Mr. Coolidge, I argued with my friend who told me that I could not pull out of you more than a couple of words.
Coolidge: you lost
Oscar Wilde vs. Lewis Morris
Morris: Against me there is a conspiracy - a conspiracy of silence. So what do I do?
Winston Churchill vs. Bernard Shaw
Shaw: I reserved for you a couple of tickets to the premiere. Come and grab someone from friends, if you have them.
Churchill: I can not come to the premiere, I will come to the next session, if it is
Winston Churchill vs. Bessie Braddock
Bessie Braddock: Winston, yes you are drunk!
Churchill: That's right. And you ugly. Tomorrow morning I'm sober. And you will remain ugly.
Miriam Hopkins vs. Anonymous artist
Singer: You know, my dear, and I insured her voice for 50 thousand dollars
Hopkins: How cute. And you bought them?
Ilka Chase vs. Unknown actress
Actress: I am so pleased with your book! Who do you write it?
Chase: I'm so glad you liked it! And who you read it?
Mahatma Gandhi vs. Western civilization
Reporter: What do you think of Western civilization?
Gandhi: I only "for"!
Edna Ferber vs. Noel Coward
Coward: You look almost like a man
Ferber: You too
James McNeill Whistler vs. Oscar Wilde
(after some witty jokes Whistler)
Wilde: I'd like to tell this joke
Whistler: Say, Oscar, be sure to say,
Ernest Hemingway vs. William Faulkner
Faulkner: He never used the word for the value that the reader would be useful in the dictionary
Hemingway: Poor Faulkner. He really thinks that strong emotions come from the smart words?
John Barrymore vs. The woman in the ladies' restroom
Woman: How dare you! This is for the ladies!
Barrymore: it is also madam, it is also
(Being drunk, urinating Barrymore in the ladies' toilet, and this time turned to his accuser)
Robert Benchley vs. The man in the form of
Benchley: Sir, would you call me a cab?
Man in uniform: I am not a doorman, I Navy Admiral
Benchley: Admiral? Then let the cruiser!
Niels Bohr vs. Reporter
(as seen above the entrance to the house of Bora nailed a horseshoe)
Reporter: Do you really believe that a horseshoe will bring you good luck?
Bor: Well, of course not. But I heard that it brings good luck, even those who does not believe
Groucho Marx vs. Contender in the show You Bet Your Life
Groucho: Why do so many children?
Rival: Well, I just love my wife
Groucho: I love my cigar too, but sometimes still pull it out of his mouth
Pericles: When I was about as much as you and I, too, he reasoned
Alcibiades: I wish I did not know you then, because they were the best years of your
Abraham Lincoln vs. Steven Douglas
I'm going to a meeting. Do you think me in the face to go?
(After Douglas during the debate called him two-faced)
Bill Clinton vs. Dan Quayle
(when Quayle said he would fight for the presidency as a Pit Bull)
Let this experience pillars and corners on the street
Senator Fritz Hollings vs. Henry Makmastor
(when the opponent has noticed that he has to pass a test on the use of drugs)
Hollings: I will pass a drug test if you pass an IQ test
New York City Mayor Ed Koch vs. Andrew Kurtzman
(after the reporter insisted on explaining some of his controversial statements)
Koch: I can explain to you, but to comprehend it for you I'm not in a position to
Abraham Lincoln vs. A foreign diplomat
(when he saw Lincoln in his office to polish shoes themselves)
Diplomat: Mr. Lincoln, you are brushing your shoes yourself?
Lincoln: Yes, and whose boots you are clean?
Winston Churchill vs. MP
Member of Parliament: Mr. Churchill, you can not sleep, when I'm talking?
Churchill: I can not. You have to put to sleep
Frank Zappa vs. Showman Joe Pyne
(style of the show Pyne was sarcastic - as many believed, because of the fact that he suffered a leg amputation)
Pine: I think long hair make you a woman.
Zappa: I think a wooden leg makes you a table