Facts about Domestic Violence
Despite the enormous baggage of statistical data, it is impossible to say with certainty how many women have ever experienced the assault by a partner. After all, statistics can count only those who said it. And how many women in general are afraid to admit? How many of them consider this situation normal?
In this article we will talk about what really is the cause of such a banal and yet disgusting picture of relations. And help us in this, experts on domestic violence Dayan Eckard and Candice Hopkins. Dayan - psychologist, consisting in the organization of "Break the Cycle" (Break the Cycle), whose main task is to help victims of domestic violence to overcome fear and to break off relations with the offender. Candace is a director of the project "Love and respect" (Love and Respect) - hotline for teens who experienced violence in the family or in a relationship with a partner. Let's get started!
1) It is not your fault, and it will not change
And this - the first thing that you should remember. The man hit you once are likely to do it again and again. Of course, there are exceptions, but they are so rare, that talk about them here, it does not make much sense. In most cases, the aggressor remains so throughout his life.
2) The aggressor suffers from an irresistible desire to control everything he loves
Many believe that aggressive men simply do not know how to control your anger. This is not quite true. They can really be a problem with the containment of the pulse, but many of them well control themselves in conflicts at work or on the road. What's the matter? About control ... but not his emotions, and his woman. The aggressor feels insane desire to control his beloved: who she says she does, how she dresses - all aggressor considers compulsory subject their undivided attention and obsessive.
It is interesting that such a man can not manifest itself in the beginning of the relationship. The first time, he can simply call constantly and persistently to find out everything about your location, surroundings and even the clothes. Many women confuse this behavior with care. Distinguish care from control quite easily - the number of calls and persistence requirements. Compare the phrase: "do not wear these shoes," and "I do not like those shoes" - feel the difference?
3) A man who regularly beat his woman really loves her
It is paradoxical, but - yes, such a man really loves his chosen one, despite the fact that regularly causes her pain. They can be just insanely in love with their wives and girlfriends, which further aggravates their jealousy and reinforces their desire total control. Often, these men come from families where cruelty was familiar, so they just do not know how otherwise to express their feelings. Perhaps, in this case, family therapy can save your relationship, of course, if the aggressor to accept it because ...
4) The aggressor always blames his victim
He will always find what to blame the victim, and she provoked him. It may be "too close" look at other men, too short skirt, or simply not washed "in time" dishes. Why did the woman is suffering? The answer is in the next paragraph.
5) The victim believes she was "my fault"
Yes, the aggressors are incredibly convincing. Girls and women begin to sincerely believe that she really did something wrong, than to make him jealous or angry.
6) Reconciliation as an additional control lever
That's really the aggressor makes it incredibly cool, so it apologized flowers, tears, diamonds, kisses your legs and arms ... Why not just use a man to make his woman, forgetting the pain and humiliation, to return to a long and painful relationships. Thus a man simply takes you back "to itself", and believing in his promises "never again not to do" just not worth it. However, it should be noted that they themselves do not always realize that their pleas and promises - no more than words: they may be sincere in their emotions.
7) The aggressor is unreliable, dangerous and has serious problems with self-control
These men are unstable. At work, they can be cute and even soft, but the fear of losing your favorite causes them to be violent, which they can not control.
8) The man raised his hand on a woman believes that he has the right to
The most annoying thing is that the aggressor is very difficult to convince that they are guilty. Even when it comes to call the police, they justify themselves with phrases like "you yourself asked for - behaved like a whore!"
9) If your partner behaves aggressively, he is unlikely to change
Many women believe until recently that their loved one can become the other. Know that in most cases - it is not. The aggressor is sure that he is right, he just "educate" you (yes, he thinks that this is it educates you). Moreover, over time, the men who raised their hand against women become even tougher and more aggressive.